there is sumthing in me that is feeling broken apart right now. and so xanga is so dead and my journal is lost i think i am gonna just vent in this peice of shit. everything my life has turned out to be these past couple weeks are very much like an feeling as big as an ant. feeling as if i cant do anything right. everything is just a waste of time for me now. i dont know what i am doing. i have no sence of direction. and every thought that is going through my head is coming out of my fingers into this little box. i try and try and try and try and try to be myself. when in reality i dont know who i am yet. i want to get away from everything and everyone. i was so disapear and never be seen again . i want to rise above and prove to everyone i am not what they think i am i am allot more i have sence of responsibilty i have morals and values that i TRY and follow allthogh it is really hard. i have things i need to work on about my self that if they even get fixed at all  that would be extrodanary .. but im not saying that i can fix them . i am also human and i make mistakes. and i would rather these certain mistakes be made earlie on then later on in life when it can really effect my life style. i have been lucky as to be able to get away with what i have been able to . and it makes certain people angry. b/c maybe i am a little nieve about certain things but then again i am only 16. shit is like fucking to crazy for me right now. this feeling is to crazy for me right now. i feel like i am about to go crazy . and then one thing i want in my life right now. so badly is leaving. and we are no longer. and then one thing that i felt love back from is disapearing and just becoming angry and i feel hatred tward me now. its hard to see sumthing so wonderfull change so fast before your eyes. its hard to go to sleep one day  and wake up to a beautifull morning.  and then go to sleep nother night and wake up in frustration confusion and an unbarable sadness for what is coming next.